Dodgeball

Third grade, recess, the playground... Dodgeball.

One by one, the kids get picked to be on Steven's team or Michael's team. One by one, they get a red flag or a yellow flag, showing that they are part of something big, something special. One by one, I hear everyone's name get called until they are all on the field. Every kid but me.

I am last to be chosen. Again and again, I wait and watch, hoping, praying, begging for someone to pick me. Maybe this time, Justin or Roger or Randall will be a team captain and they'll choose me to be on their team. Somehow, some way, I have to get on the red team, or the yellow team, I don't care which team but please God somebody pick me!!!

I happen to know that Stevie and Michael (or at least their wives) are reading this blog and I'll start by saying "I forgive you." But please know that in second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth grades, I hated you. You never chose me first for dodgeball or kickball or flag football. In fact, you never chose me at all. You got stuck with me as a last resort player, waiting it out to see who'd have to pick me versus who got the kid who picked his nose with his undershirt (and ate it!) during the game. Y'all know who I'm talking about, and I'm really insulted I got grouped in like that.

Point being, I could've been a great player. I would've been awesome, given the chance. But all anyone saw was a nerdy girl who always had her face in a book and no dirt on her shoes. Sure, kids flocked to me during the spelling bee or when they needed homework help. But dodgeball? I might as well have been taking a nap.

Becoming a mother feels a lot like being back in elementary school. I'm waiting to get picked for the marriage & motherhood team, hoping and praying that someone will call my name. Sure, I have my preference of who I'd like to play with, but at this point, it's starting not to matter. I watch my friends get called up, one by one, and all I want is to be on the field with them. I don't care if I get chosen first or third or thirty-third, I just want to get in the damn game.

People say "it happens when you least expect it" or "you can't hurry love, you just have to wait." What no one admits is that they're terrified the game is being played without them and they could be left sitting on the sidelines, waving the team flag. Think about your girlfriends. Who is single and wants to be dating? Who is dating and wants to be married? Who is married and wants children? These girls are just like me, playing dodgeball with their lives, just waiting to hear their name, waiting to rush the field.

I'm starting to wonder how I can start my own team. Perhaps, with this blog, I'm doing just that.