Hello Kathleen,
I am happy that you are publishing my emails. This information needs to be shared so that maybe, just maybe, it will bring about the changes that lead to a better dating world for the Nice Guys and Girls out there.
The “Manhattan meal plan” is a good way to describe it! The problem is that these women are the ones who are most likely to say yes. And for guys like me, who can be too trusting, we give these women a shot and get ourselves hurt. So it is reassuring to read your blog and find a real woman. I know that the “Manhattan Meal Plan” is tempting but don’t do it! You sound perfect just the way you are. You realize it is the person not the events that make a relationship special. To that extent a real man will want to get to know you and want to spend time with you even if it is just waiting in line at the DMV. Everyone wants to be with the right someone but few are willing to work as hard as you to find them.
After reading about your craigslist ad I decided to try my own craigslist ad and the results are in: Zero responses. Not one (besides spam!) Women have the majority of the power in the dating world. A woman, any woman, can put herself out there and get dozens of responses and a great man can do the same and get zero. I applaud you for being so open to dating and giving a wide variety of guys a chance. There is more to every person then just what the world can see on the surface so take that fist impression with a grain of salt and remember you are both in a stressful situation. Remember the You’ve Got Mail advice when looking for the man of your dreams: “He could be anyone! It could be that guy right there! And those flowers could be for you!” So give him a chance, or two.
I know you didn’t fall for the Camaro guy because he had a Camaro but it did play a part in the date. A car is part of a first impression and we all know how important the first impression is. If a guy told you he was working two part time jobs, one at McDonald and the other at Wal-mart, lives with his parents, didn’t have a car, and had very little saving and a decent amount of debt. Most women would walk away from this guy and not take any time to look deeper, to see that the reason he is in debt is because he has student loans from getting his master degree, that lives with his parent because they are older and need his help and financial support, that he used to have a good paying job but got downsized like many other in this economy and took his two current jobs to because they were the quickest jobs he cold get, he is actively looking for a better job and has a few prospects, and that he sold his car to be able to save money and have some extra spending cash to be able to treat a woman to at least Applebee’s 2 for $20, just hoping to get to know each other.
***Just a little disclaimer, the story of the man from McDonald's & Wal-mart is not about me, who I am is not important. The story is just a general collection of some of the issue peoples can face in their lives. It is a bit extreme to find a man with all these issues but many people are facing, or have faced, one or more of these issues at some point in their lives so remember to look beyond the details.***
I love the way you approach dating and life. I feel the same way, as if women don’t know what to do with us nice guys and get very guarded the nicer and more sincere we become. They think that this behavior is just the prelude to some favor that they will feel obligated to repay. They believe that a man being sincere is setting them up for something and that no man could be this nice and want nothing in return. They’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, like you are. A gentleman will never force you to do anything you don’t want to do, so if he tries it - just walk away and don’t give that jerk a second thought!
If it helps, we all worry about those little thing on a date, even men! We worry about whether we look good, are smart enough, funny enough, are being interesting without being too self centered. And nice guys worry more because they know how easy it is for a woman to find a man. They know they are one of a hundred men who would gladly take his place and might do a better job at impressing you. Both men and women need to relax on a date and be themselves and enjoy the date so when love happens it will because you were a cool confident unique individual; you were You!
Who I am doesn’t matter, I am all the nice guys in the world and I write these emails for every nice guy who is looking for that special someone and every woman hoping to find him. Maybe one day we will meet in the park and we will fall madly in love or maybe you will show me your wedding ring and tell me how lucky you are to have married your Unicorn.
And remember that Cinderella was always Cinderella... the only thing that changed was her dress.
Rooting for you as well,
Joe
P.S. I love all your dating ideas. I just need to find the woman who gives me the chance to share these things and more with her.
P.P.S. I think ‘100 Cups of Coffee’ is a better name then ‘Kimberly Spice’s Diary’, and your story is much better and more interesting than Bridget Jones’s
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