Just the Way You Are

Hello Kimberly,

I was kind of surprised to see my email featured on you blog as I thought it was lost forever. It’s kind of ironic that it ended up in the spam folder because sometimes that is how I feel when I venture into the dating scene; that I am pushed into the dating spam folder just waiting to be discovered. I want to thank you for rescuing it and am glad you are sharing it with others in the hopes that they can find their Unicorn.

I figured your blog was mostly geared towards women but being a romantic myself, I found it a good source of things to try and things to avoid. If more men read your blog, you wouldn’t have needed 100+ cups to find the right one. I have actually read most of your blogs since I wrote you last, some I couldn’t help but laugh and other almost made me cry at how you were treated. Now I know that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes, but I would like to apologize on behalf of my gender, for the behavior of some of our members.

First let me say that most guys out there don’t expect women to be a virgin or a whore. A real man expects you to be you: flaws and imperfection in all. The most impressive thing to us is a smart, confident, independent woman who understands who she is and appreciates the people in her life for who they are.

Now I know price charming is a relative term and I didn’t mean to imply the Disney definition of “Prince Charming” but you are right in that women want to be treated with respect, shown loyalty, and reassured that chivalry isn’t dead. A real man wants to be appreciated for his chivalry, planning and thoughtfulness. I myself have been in many situations where I feel I am being taken advantage of. I have encountered women whose expectations are more than a normal guy can handle. They are not satisfied with the $4 gelato date and want the fancy dinner to make them feel that I care. These women, I dare say, have been imbued with a false sense of what true romance is.  Romance in my opinion is similar to what you describe, it is the little things, the loving glance you exchange, the small gestures of appreciation, the things you do without a second thought to make each other’s lives easier and remembering when to put the trash out without being told. *Reference to 2010 blog entry: Warped Romance!*

I want what you want out of a relationship. We should be able to treat it like we did when we were back in grade school when it was “do you like me? Check yes or no” and that was that.

Surprisingly, men are also used, lied to, disrespected, talked down to, and embarrassed on dates. Now being a nice guy I try to look for the good in people and tend to trust too soon. I have had women play with my emotions to manipulate me into fancy dinner or special events after which their interest fades until the next chance for some other extravagant event. I have also had women agree to a date just to go out and have something to do. Now I know this is not the norm out there but it is disheartening for someone like me.

Sadly, we are visually based and becoming more materialistic in the way we measure success. Women may say that the way a man looks, the car he drives, the amount of money in his bank account or where he lives doesn’t matter but it does. Height, weight, job, income, and materialistic item can have a drastic effect on a man’s chances --- even you were taken by an new Camaro. The man may be the nicest sweetest guy in the world but can’t even get a hello returned if his appearance and personal belongings don’t measure up. I know I am not Brad Pitt but I’m certainly not ugly. I have been rejected more times than I care to count before I can get out anything other than hello. Something about me prevents women from taking the chance and getting to know me. Maybe my appearance and the respectful way I approach women don’t mesh with society but I don’t want to change. I will wait for that one woman who see me, the real me, the me that matters and falls madly in love with that man. I know a real relationship is a lot of work but when you are with the right person it will never feel like ‘work.’

Just a little advice before I sign off for the night: To be “the right partner” you just have to be You! It is up to him to think that you the right partner just the way you are and vice versa. And don’t worry about the other shoe dropping --- what will happen will happen --- worrying only clouds your mind, holds you back and prevents you from fully enjoying every moment of the relationship and life! 

Sincerely

‘Joe’ 

P.S. Please keep writing and working towards the Happiness you deserve, and promise me you won’t settle for less?