Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Third Time - Not a Charm

This is the blog I'm not supposed to write.

Sorry, Dan.

I'm a very expressive person. You know what's going on with me, in my life, in my head, pretty much all the time. I can't help but be honest about it - it's who I am. I don't keep anything in, I don't hold back, I wear my heart on my sleeve. So when I become guarded about something, give me the benefit of the doubt that it's important and there's a reason I'm not telling you?

Dan did me no such favors.

Let me clarify - he disappeared on me TWICE last year. Literally stopped calling / texting / emailing with no explanation. Both times, it was the day we were scheduled to go on a date. In July, he blocked my calls and bounced my emails back as spam. I had no idea why and didn't hear from him for months after. Finally, he graced me with the standard "guy" excuse of "I got scared" (which by the way: men, if you're reading this, knock that shit off! Liking a girl is not so scary that you have to run away and bury your head in the sand. If you like her, be with her. Don't be a coward!)

Three months later and he finds my profile on OkCupid again. We start chatting, he's as apologetic as anything. Stammers over how much he liked me, couldn't get enough of me, didn't understand how far he'd fallen until it was too late and he's sooooo incredibly sorry. Can he please have a second chance? Please?

Generous, forgiving, gracious me grants him aforementioned second chance.

We spend a few days chatting on the phone. He's funny and charming and witty as always. We have a delightful repartee I cannot get enough of. We hang out in the city one night and he drives me home, smiling and holding my hand the entire way. I'm thrilled to be back in his life and he invites me to the US Open the following weekend. He's got box seats and the only thing better than scoring unbelievable tickets would be to show up at that amazing event with a beautiful woman on his arm! I'm flattered. I'm tickled pink. I'm left empty-handed yet again the day of the game when he doesn't pick me up, doesn't call, doesn't text, doesn't email...nothing.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

There are some questions that mankind will never know the answers to. Who really shot JFK? What's going on behind the scenes at Area 51? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? Why do men stick their proverbial tail between their legs at the first hint of genuine emotion? The world may never know.

What I do know is that I am an idiot for believing, against all proof, that people can change. Which is how I came to grant Dan yet a third chance.

Y'all read his guest blog, we had a pretty great "first" date. I certainly didn't have the grand ol' time he described, but perhaps that's due to me being cautious this go round. For once, this open book was only ready to show one chapter at a time. With good reason, I might add! Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Was I insane for giving Dan a third chance? Apparently, I was.

After three wonderful dates in three weeks, I took a couple of days off to spend with a friend out of state. I told him I'd be gone and slightly out of touch but I'd be back in a day or so. He. Freaked. Out.

Kim, we need to talk...

Those are words no one wants to hear.

I really feel you're ignoring me. You're not making us a priority. I don't know what's changed with you but you tell me you're going away and then I don't hear from you for a while. What's going on here? Is it us? Did I do something wrong? You're always so open with me and suddenly I don't know what's happening. I really thought we had something special and you're just not putting the effort in.

Dude, it was one day!!!

I tried explaining to him that I had a friend who genuinely needed my attention, that I was out of state and had to disconnect for a day, that being out of touch didn't mean I wasn't thinking about him, just that my focus was elsewhere for a little while. Again, a day, not a week, not a month, not forever. This was unacceptable to him. I asked for a break.

You want a break? That's not fair. I didn't do anything wrong here. I'm being penalized. Why don't you understand what I'm trying to say? I don't want a break. Why is about what you want? Don't I get a say in this? How come we have to do everything you want to do and I don't even get a choice? This is not fair. This is so not fair. You get to go be happy and what? I get to go fuck myself?!?!

First of all: Wow, yelling AND cursing? I hung up.

Secondly: Stage 5 Clinger Alert!

Thirdly: If the third time is a charm, then for me, it's a BAD luck charm! After three dates in three weeks, I was already feeling the wind weakening under our wings. Dan was no longer making me smile, he wasn't making me happy. He stopped being the thing I looked forward to and quickly became one more item on my List of Shit to Deal With Today. Frankly, I have enough shit to deal with. I don't need you.

Voicemail: Ok, so you hang up on me and that's how we left it. I didn't do anything wrong. If I explained things in a strong way and defend myself, that's me and I'm not going to apologize for it. I have nothing to feel bad about. I didn't do anything wrong. You hung up on me, I called you back, it goes to voicemail...not exactly mature, is it? Listen, I wish you the best of luck. I hope everything works out. I'm asking you to keep this off your blog. If I see it, I'll be very upset. This is it for us. We tried three times, it didn't work out. I messed up, you messed up, this one is on you. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm being penalized for a misunderstanding but I said it a hundred times and you didn't understand me and you just put up the defenses. It's fine. I'm glad. I'm talking to like fifty other people. I don't need this shit. I'm gonna go find somebody. You go find somebody. That will be it. Please don't text me. Don't call me. Don't write me. Don't email me. I've already deleted your contact information. It's done. I don't want to have anything to do with you ever again. I'm sure at this point, you feel the same way. That's the end of it. I wish you luck with all your efforts. No hard feelings. It just didn't work out. I don't want to try again. Have a nice day.

So I guess we answered one age old question after all : The Third Time? Not a Charm!


  1. Wow. Dan has ISSUES! And hmmmm, isn't he the one who had issues with the blog in the first place, and said he was over it? Sorry, Dan-O, but for the good of women (and us men who aren't complete douche nozzles) everywhere, you go up on the cautionary wall of shame! It amazes me that someone who cursed and yelled at you because he lost his ability to stalk you for a day wants you to consider his feelings. To Dan I offer a hearty "WAAH."

    As always, Kim, your writing is a refreshing breath of fresh air. Cheers!

  2. OMG... laughing my ass off! I made the mistake of getting involved with one of these idiots after my breakup. He was so sweet and wonderful at first. I wasn't that into him but hey... you never know maybe feelings can develop? Within one week of meeting he wanted me to be his girlfriend... should have been a warning. I figured why not. Four weeks later... STAGE 5 CLINGER ALERT! Freaks out when I'm talking to a phone salesman (he wanted to buy me a phone & add me to his plan so we could talk more)... accuses me of "ignoring" him... and when I wanted to just leave for the night and let him think clearer... no joke... 5 hour tirade about him and "his feelings" and yes there was a weird gushing of tears when I agreed to stay for the night... even though I wanted to just RUN... it was too weird... and yes women are too generous... we need to just cut and run when the creepers emerge. When I told him I wanted to see other people... he took a Facebook poll of his friends. Thankfully he's gone. Don't look back... burn the bridge and run screaming!