Saturday, November 28, 2009

Rejection Letters

First Round of Rejection Letters:

Some of these have proven to be more interesting than guys who actually have a prayer!

Dear Cups of Coffee, I saw your post and I realize that you're asking for guys ages 26 - 36. That being said, I am 44. But a young 44 if you can believe it. Please let me know if you're interested. 

Dear 44, Thank you but no, I'm not. 

Dear Cups of Coffee, I may be an epoch or two older than you but in my mind, age equals experience. I'm 59 and would love to meet up with you. Hey, it's just coffee, right?

Dear 59, You're older than my dad. Dude, that's gross. 

Dear Cups of Coffee, I read the four requirements of your post. I know you said ages 26 - 36, preferably white, straight and single. I am 22, Hispanic, mostly straight and mostly single. Would you consider me anyway?

Dear guy who obviously can't read or follow directions, Not So Much. 

Dear Cups of Coffee, you mentioned in your ad that you are 5'8. I'm writing because I'm 5'5 and most girls have a problem with that. I don't want to presume that you're that kind of girl. You know, a girl who would judge a guy because of his height. If you don't care that I'm 5'5 then I think you're a really good person and I'd like to get to know you better. But if you are that kind of girl and you want a tall guy then good luck to you. You bitch. Ok, hope to talk to you soon...

Dear 5'5, good luck to you too. And might I suggest a pair of heels for your dating future?

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Cup # 1

He said he'd be here in 5 - 10 minutes so I excitedly purchase 1 peppermint hot chocolate for myself and 1 pumpkin spice latte for him. It's my first "official" coffee date and while I know I cannot afford double drinks every time, this occasion seems like a reason to celebrate so I splurge just a little. Not too much; got "tall" not "venti". Trying very hard not to project the future onto every man I go on a date with. Besides, this is just the beginning. I have 99 more cups to drink after this. Or do I??? Ok, must stop thinking this way *right now*. Although his mother is a wedding planner which would be awfully convenient...

Bad sign #1. He's a half hour late. Bad sign #2. I'm on the phone with my best friend and she asks what I think of him. I say he's really nice. She replies "that means you don't want to jump him." I come back with how sweet he is and generous and hard working and thoughtful. She says "you still don't want to jump him." I hate it when she's right. Still, I shall persevere.

He finally shows up, button down shirt, khaki pants, hair combed. He made an effort to be presentable, especially after I know he worked a 10 hour day doing landscaping and custodial work. He's gotta be 6'2 - 6'4 (I'm not great with the math) so he towers over me as we say hello. I adore tall men but he's got at least 100 pounds on me as well which makes him a walking refrigerator. I worry what I've gotten myself into already. 

And it's all down hill from there. Half of my drink had already been consumed in the wait time for him. He did not shut up for an entire hour. (I know, I'm surprised I lasted that long too.)

 And the topics of conversation included: 
A) how he never went to his prom because girls in his school were all skanky crack whores 
B) how I'm the only woman "with any class" who's ever taken him seriously / given him the time of day 
C) that even though he's hit his head lots of times and in fact has metal plates holding his skull together resulting in mild memory loss, he is not *actually* mentally retarded despite being labelled as "learning disabled" in school but it only affects reading which he's not so good at anyway
D) how he is currently in a bit of debt but don't worry, "the lawyers are almost paid off" 
E) that his DUI probation should end soon as he's been on good behavior but if I want to drink on a date "we can always go to another state, cause they don't check up on that" and finally
F) that's he's 26 and still waiting for the right woman to come along (and yes this means he is a virgin)...

Am I seriously supposed to survive 99 more of these nightmares???

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My first entry

Welcome to my blog. In this space, I will recount the tales of a single girl's attempt at finding happiness through dating. Not just any dating. 100 cups of coffee with 100 different men. I have challenged myself to sort through a giant pile of NO's in the hopes of finding one really amazing YES! Wish me luck!!!