Saturday, November 21, 2009

Cup # 1

He said he'd be here in 5 - 10 minutes so I excitedly purchase 1 peppermint hot chocolate for myself and 1 pumpkin spice latte for him. It's my first "official" coffee date and while I know I cannot afford double drinks every time, this occasion seems like a reason to celebrate so I splurge just a little. Not too much; got "tall" not "venti". Trying very hard not to project the future onto every man I go on a date with. Besides, this is just the beginning. I have 99 more cups to drink after this. Or do I??? Ok, must stop thinking this way *right now*. Although his mother is a wedding planner which would be awfully convenient...

Bad sign #1. He's a half hour late. Bad sign #2. I'm on the phone with my best friend and she asks what I think of him. I say he's really nice. She replies "that means you don't want to jump him." I come back with how sweet he is and generous and hard working and thoughtful. She says "you still don't want to jump him." I hate it when she's right. Still, I shall persevere.

He finally shows up, button down shirt, khaki pants, hair combed. He made an effort to be presentable, especially after I know he worked a 10 hour day doing landscaping and custodial work. He's gotta be 6'2 - 6'4 (I'm not great with the math) so he towers over me as we say hello. I adore tall men but he's got at least 100 pounds on me as well which makes him a walking refrigerator. I worry what I've gotten myself into already. 

And it's all down hill from there. Half of my drink had already been consumed in the wait time for him. He did not shut up for an entire hour. (I know, I'm surprised I lasted that long too.)

 And the topics of conversation included: 
A) how he never went to his prom because girls in his school were all skanky crack whores 
B) how I'm the only woman "with any class" who's ever taken him seriously / given him the time of day 
C) that even though he's hit his head lots of times and in fact has metal plates holding his skull together resulting in mild memory loss, he is not *actually* mentally retarded despite being labelled as "learning disabled" in school but it only affects reading which he's not so good at anyway
D) how he is currently in a bit of debt but don't worry, "the lawyers are almost paid off" 
E) that his DUI probation should end soon as he's been on good behavior but if I want to drink on a date "we can always go to another state, cause they don't check up on that" and finally
F) that's he's 26 and still waiting for the right woman to come along (and yes this means he is a virgin)...

Am I seriously supposed to survive 99 more of these nightmares???

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