Sooo, if twitter peeps are called tweeps...are blogger peeps called bleeps???
If so, you bleeps are the best bleeps out there! This month, my blog has the highest amount of readers EVER. When I looked back at my numbers since November 2009 - the very inception of this project - January 2013 blows all those stats out of the freaking water! I guess that's what happens when you actually write every day?
Speaking of which, I'm sorry I've been completely remiss since the weekend. I came down with a crappy bug and have been tucked into bed, sick and miserable and wishing I could do something, anything, besides sneeze and sleep. Finally came out of my cocoon today to brave the twelve degree New York winter weather and am curled up in Starbucks with a sandwich and a chai. It's taking me twice as long to type this entry as my fingers are alternating between the keyboard and wrapping themselves around the hot mug!
I have found a new purpose for my life in this blog. Someone (who shall not be named because his very existence makes no difference in the world) recently called me selfish. Me??? Selfish??? The old me would have been insulted. The old me would have been outraged. The old me would have cried and apologized and tried to prove that I am, in fact, the sweetest, most caring, most generous girl in the whole world.
You know what though? I AM the sweetest, most caring, most generous girl in the whole world, whether he says so or not! Maybe 31 is precisely the time to BE selfish! Maybe 31, not married, without kids, IS the time that my life should revolve around ME. I spent years giving to everyone else and taking nothing for myself. I spent years thinking about everybody except Kim. Life was always about what would make my family happy, my friends happy, my husband happy. Today? My life is about what makes me happy. This blog is one of those things that makes me irrevocably, irrepressibly, irresistibly happy. And I blatantly refuse to give it up. Not for anyone.
I was in a relationship with this nameless man, you see, and it lasted far too long. The whole thing was a mistake from beginning to end, which I only see clearly now that the fog of him has lifted. I love this blog. He implored me to stop writing. I love going to bible study. He hated my church and didn't believe in God. I love my cats. He was "allergic" (total lie.) I love my friends. He didn't get along with them and asked me to sacrifice my time with them to spend with him. I'm ashamed to admit that I caved to a great many of his requests, but I didn't feel like me. I had gotten lost somehow.
This blog, through its ups and downs, has helped me rediscover who I am at the core. I am unapologetically myself, which is not something I could always have said. I am braver, stronger, smarter, and happier than I've ever been, and in huge part, I have all of you to thank. You've encouraged me to get back out there, to put my heart on the line, to believe in myself and, more importantly, to believe in love again. You've laughed with me, cried with me, had drinks with me. You've followed me, liked me, read me, and even come to see me. You should know that you are helping to change something in me. You are making a difference in the world. This is of utmost importance. Imagine we all did this for each other. Imagine we all encouraged every woman we know to be her most courageous self. To make decisions that are good for her. To follow her own heart. To be a little selfish. The men we date would have NO chance to hurt us because we would know how incredibly beautiful, valuable, and special we are. To ourselves, to God, and to each other.
Every one of you is special to me. THANK YOU for kicking my ass on this journey --- for making me go the distance, even when times are hard. Especially when times are hard! I have many more stories to share with you, from the gut wrenching to the ridiculous, and I'm so excited that you're all along for the ride.
Here's to Love in 2013 and to being (just a little) selfish!
Cheers and anti-bacterial soap,