Tuesday, January 21, 2014

hi how are you

Tonight, I got this message on OkCupid:

hi how are you

No capital letter, no question mark, no hint that he had read my profile or knew anything about me. I get it. A man has to send out a hundred messages to get one or two in return. But for the love of all things internet, at least pretend to give a shit about the girl you're writing to! I get dozens of messages like this a day. I'm not kidding you, dozens. So I finally broke down and sent a reply to the annoying online guy I usually ignore and delete. Here's what I wrote back:

Dear Random Stranger,

I apologize in advance because this is not your fault, but since you asked how I am, I'm going to tell you.

I am sick and tired of guys messaging me with crappy one liners. Stuff like "hey how are you" or "hi beauty how's your day" or "pretty smile and nice eyes" or "I want to know more about you." There are SO many things about me in my profile which you CLEARLY did not take the time to read, let alone comment on.

Did you see if we have any favorite movies in common? Or that we like the same music? Or that we want to travel to any of the same places? Or that I speak several languages and have multiple degrees and a very busy schedule working an awesome job and therefore I do NOT have time to respond to guys who can't take sixty seconds to scan my profile AT ALL to see whether or not we would be a good match. The fact that my description states in no uncertain terms that I do not date smokers EVER and your profile picture has a cigarette hanging out of your mouth is evidence enough that you don't give a shit how my day was or how I am or even who I am because all that matters is that you saw a decent enough looking girl in a photo and figured you'd cast your net pretty wide for the best chances of success.

On behalf of all woman everywhere, please stop doing that. We are fed up! We are not numbers. We are not statistics. We are real people with interests and hobbies and passions and friends and careers and it is seriously annoying when guys like you think that we can be won over without you making the slightest effort. If you are going to be on an online dating site, perhaps try finding a girl you actually like and sending her something real. Maybe even answer a few of those questions on your own profile because your non-descript vagueness is obnoxious in the worst way.

Again, I apologize for the rant but guys like you are the reason that girls like me are single.

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