Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Erica Who???

Shock. Rage. Sadness. Shock. Rage. Sadness. Shock. Rage. Sadness.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Numb, I picked up the phone to confront Kit.

Kit: Hi Bunny, what's up?

Me: Who's Erica?

Kit: Which one?

Me: Erica Whats-her-fuck-si.

Kit: Oh, she's just an old friend.

Me: An old friend whose tight ass you want to fuck???

Kit: What? Oh. No. Nonononono. Kim, wait, let me explain.

Me: Explain what? How you've been cheating on me the entire time we've been dating?

Kit: No. No, Kim, please let me talk to you about this. It was a fantasy. It was a game. It wasn't real.

Me: This is not a game. This is my life.

Kit: Kim, I love you. I'm coming home. I'm taking the next train back and coming home right now.

Me: Don't bother coming home unless you have someone's car to help you pick up your shit. Your things will be packed whenever you get here. After that, I never want to see you again.

Kit: Kim, please, it didn't mean anything. You're my whole world. Don't do this to me. Don't kick me out.


And we're back to rage...

Against his promise, Kit did not turn around from the city and come home right away. He did not explain anything. He did not apologize. He did not grovel at my feet and beg for forgiveness. He called every one of his friends in a desperate attempt to find a place to stay. He said he'd be by to pick up his things by 8 that night.

Oh, I should also mention that he went on facebook and posted a few messages about his newly single status such as: Single. Kim broke up with me. I need a place to rest my head for the night and keep my things. Please message me if you have a spare room or a spare couch or anything. I'm such a fuck up. Followed an hour later by: I'm such a screw up. Can't believe I just lost the best thing that ever happened to me. Kim, please, please forgive me. I love you. I don't want to lose you. Help?

He immediately had a dozen or more comments from friends asking me to forgive him, saying that we could work through it, that whatever happened between us couldn't have been *that* bad, that we are a great couple and should stay together etc, etc, etc. I agree. We were a great couple. We were happy and in love and that's why this betrayal is so incredibly shocking. I held back for as long as I could but since he announced our break-up to his entire facebook community before I even had a chance to tell my mother, I responded to the comments with: He cheated on me. He's been cheating on me. So before you ask me to forgive him, ask yourselves if you could trust a man who lied to you for more than five months.

Then I set to work packing his things.

I know what you're thinking: Did I heave his boxes out onto the lawn? Did I smash his belongings against the curb? Did I leave his irreplaceable family photos to wither away in the rain? No. I didn't.

I didn't douse his blankets in my perfume. I didn't cover his important paperwork with his precious hot sauce. I didn't dump all his clothes in a bucket of bleach. I didn't slash holes in his sneakers. I didn't put Gorilla glue all over his computer keys.

I thought about it...but I didn't do it.

Instead, I finished the load of laundry I was washing and drying. I folded the clothes and packed them in bags. I emptied his drawers and gently placed the books side by side in size order in boxes with lids. I bubble wrapped his fragile memorabilia. I packed every box with care, taped them shut, and labeled each box with the contents inside.

I followed that up with FUCK YOU in Sharpie on every surface.

***Update: You can read the entire transcript here, published by Megan Marks - Erica & Kit***


  1. Believe me, I (and I'm sure all of your loyal readers) am sorry that you went through all of the pain, all the heartache, all the grief... but writing FUCK YOU all over the box is HILARIOUS. Bravo, darlin'.

  2. You handled that with more poise and grace than I would have!

  3. I am in awe of your poise. Wow.

    But am so very sorry for the pain of the betrayal. Been there done that with nine plus yrs invested and kids involved. He thought NOTHING of the impact on his girls and my son. Selfish men do not deserve us, Kim. But number one most important was my figuring out how and why I was a cheater/liar magnet??? Lots of self work with a great therspist. Have a great guy, Greg met thru EHarmony, 18 months later....talkings marriage over next yr. Taking our time. Absolutly love him.

  4. It is amazing to see what some men try to get away with. A rule I teach my son...and made clear to my current(wonderful, loving, perfect for me) man...if you don't want me to know about it, just don't do it, it's simple!! If you have nothing to hide, then things like this won't come between you. You are handling this beautifully, he knew you had a blog with MANY followers, lol, now he is a public enemy, what an idiot!!!

  5. what is it with these idiotic men and FB? I guess it is a sort of save haven for the delusional as it makes it easy for them to try and gain pity and manipulate others. I know that it is too soon...trust me, I know! but he has a pathetic non-life and you deserve much better. These are people that are only capable of loving ONE person...sadly they intrude on others instead of staying under the scum rock they belong. As you could see, this morning, I am back to hate. I/We have to Shake that! hate is an emotion too. You have true class and incredible courage and will someday look back on this as one of your proudest moments. xx

  6. It sucks I know... my ex cheated on me too... and honestly the signs were all over the wall when I look back. 2-1/2 years wasted with an asswipe. I wish I had just walked the first time I discovered something... and not let him explain it all away.