The Unusually Large Head

He got on at Jamaica station on the way to Penn. Asked politely if he could sit next to me. I nodded "of course" and went back to my book. He parked his slightly overweight self into the seat (a 3 seater, thank goodness) and I barely took notice. This is New York. We're used to confined spaces with complete weirdos. You're lucky to be on anything but the drunk express on Saturday night. Just pray to find a spot anywhere but the bathroom car. Have something to hide behind so no one talks to you. A book, a phone call, the newspaper, a paper-bag covered can of beer and a forlorn look on your face. Something that says "don't talk to me". But talk he did... there was no escape. I was pinned to that window seat for 42 minutes... possibly the best 42 minutes of my week!!!

It started with innocent admissions one could only tell a complete stranger. How we got onto the topic of him having an unusually large sized head is a blur, but that's where the conversation went. His inability to find a hat that fit well, how it affected the sports teams he had to root for because their head gear didn't fit him, how he wanted to dress up as the Mad Hatter for Halloween but even that costume was too small... He told one embarrassing story about himself after another and I have to say, I was captivated. His bad luck rivals my own and that says A LOT. He had me laughing so hard that my stomach actually hurt. I was a little sad when our train pulled in, I didn't want the fun to end. So I did what any girl would do, I gave him my number. He said he'd call and we parted ways. 

I got an email from him the next day saying that he was sorry but he told me he'd call because he couldn't actually call me for a fear of using the phone. Yes, an actual phobia of talking on the phone. (It's called phonophobia, look it up ... I did!) He was happy to text / email / facebook me but he can't talk because (are you ready for this?) he's "painfully shy and stutters a lot". This guy was practically a perfectly posed stand-up comic from Queens to Manhattan but if I called him he'd literally be sick to his stomach?!?! So we're friends on Facebook now and I will not be putting my book down on the train again EVER.