Friday, December 31, 2010
As the ball drops...
Please forgive me for I have sinned. It has been fourteen days since my last blog post.
The holidays are a time to be with the ones you love. I, for one, always took this to mean a romantic sort of love. The kind where your boyfriend / fiance / spouse showers you with gifts and attention, plies you with alcohol, conspires against your ridiculous family with you, snuggles you by a crackling fire, makes you breakfast in bed, and kisses you at midnight. Songs such as "I'll Be Home for Christmas" and "Baby, It's Cold Outside" perpetuate my frustration at not having someone to share these moments under the mistletoe. On long, freezing winter days when I'm stuck outside shoveling heavy, wet snow, digging out my car and trying to locate my front steps, I yearn for a sweet, warm body to go inside with, sip hot chocolate, and take an afternoon nap.
I guess I thought that this project would lead me to sharing these experiences with a tall, dark and handsome man (or in my case, not a midget, dork and moderately good-looking). I assumed that by dating as many people as I could in one year, I would find my knight in shining armor. Failing that, I'd at least meet someone NORMAL. I always assumed that 100 Cups of Coffee would have the Hollywood ending that you and I have been hoping for. Now here's the truth...
When discussing my disappointment with a dear friend, he pointed out to me that I'm doing exactly what I set out to do. I cried that I thought the project would be over by now, that I would've met someone amazing, that we'd be riding off into the proverbial sunset together. But that, he gently pointed out, was never the goal. The goal was to go out on 100 dates. Meet new people. Try different things. Expand my horizons. Get out of my comfort zone. Open myself up to the possibilities I never considered before. And I am doing ALL of those things!
I refuted this statement (half-heartedly) by claiming that I never REALLY wanted to go out on 100 first dates. It's exhausting! Getting to know all these people, their in's and out's, what makes them tick, finding out their interests, hobbies, family life, favorite radio stations. I could be running a small company by now with all the intel I gathered! Leave it to a woman to start out dating and end up taking over the world! Yet he just laughed and said that when I set my mind to something, I'm the girl to go out and DO IT. If I wanted to be exceptionally choosy, meet the man of my dreams and marry him right away, I probably would have. But that was never the point. Thus I have taken a holiday break from the crazies and losers but starting in the New Year, I can guarantee you I'll be back with a passion.
Through this year, I have discovered a lot about myself. I know so much more about me, dating, what I want, what I don't want, what I'm willing to settle for, and what I can't live without. I know what qualities I need in a partner and what constitutes a deal breaker for me. I have found exceptional strength in having to walk away from people I truly cared about and gained confidence when I felt I was making the right decision. I have made new friends. You, the readers, have been more supportive and caring that I could've possibly imagined. I've given away some great goodies and have even more amazing prizes planned for 2011. I couldn't think of a more fortunate life than being able to write full time nor a more satisfying dream than seeing my name in print. Just knowing that this blog, my insane dating life, these words have touched each of you somehow is an amazing gift for me and all I could hope for this year. So I have revised my holiday outlook.
The holidays are indeed a season to spend time with the people you love. This love is formed in friendships, old and new, family ties, and acquaintances you may have never met but care so deeply about. It is a time to perform random acts of kindness, surprise someone just to see the smile on their face, and give generously expecting nothing in return. I might not have kissed anyone under the mistletoe or at midnight on New Year's Eve (there's still time!) but the love I feel is overwhelming from every angle.
Wishing you all a LOVEly New Year!