Luckily for me, I've been blessed with some of the best friends in the whole world. Trust me, folks, 98% of the people who started reading this blog at its inception have known and loved me from birth, or pre-school, or high school, or college. My most recent friend still has a solid two years of history. God only knows why they love and support me as much as they do, but I would not survive all the crazy drama in my life without each and every person who builds me up and gives me strength.
Also, they know when I most need a kick in the pants.
This week was hard on me, which of course also means that it was hard on my friends. I turned to them for the love and support I'm so used to, although one can never tell what form it will come in. Sometimes it's a hug. Sometimes, it's a cosmo. Sometimes, it's a smack upside the head.
Sara: Do I literally need to come down there and kick your ass?
Jenn: I'm coming over. I have ice cream.
Dee: Wanna go cruise Barnes & Noble for cute guys in the cookbook section?
See? Good friends!
And then there's Bella. Dear, sweet, reliable Bella who would push a man off the top of a very tall building if I asked her to. She loves every man that I love. She hates every man that I hate. She desperately wants me to find my happy ending, and she whole heartedly believes that I'll magically marry the next man I meet. Bella is a newlywed and has made it her mission to match every one of her single friends up with someone fabulous.
Bella and her husband, John were the first friends to meet Jason. This was not by accident. The two of them are the cutest nerds on the planet. They're so blissful in their shared geekiness, I knew that Jason would feel right at home, which he did. So after I spent a full week obsessing over our ever more dire looking situation, Bella was the person who would have both of our best interests at heart. She translated the things Jason and I weren't saying to each other. She cut through the bull shit and got right to the heart of it.
"You have to call him. You're his Arwen."
*Note: Kindly remember that Jason and I met through The Hobbit. We spent 16 hours out of 48 watching all three Lord of the Rings movies. If you haven't seen them, might I shorten this analogy for you by simply stating that Arwen is the girl the prince has always been in love with, is meant to end up with, almost loses, almost gives up on, almost falls in love with someone else, but in the end he realizes that his feelings for her are too strong and their future together is too beautiful to walk away from. So basically, they live happily ever after.*
Bella had been texting Jason throughout the day to see what his side of the story was, to see where he stood, to see if he'd made a decision yet. He hadn't. That being said, when Bella told Jason that he was being stupid, and that clearly I was his Arwen, he fully agreed and suddenly, everything made sense.
I didn't want to call him. I didn't want to crack first. I didn't want to be the one to make the first move, but I couldn't take waiting for another second. I still had questions. I still had doubts. What if he didn't want me? What if he picked Eowyn? (LOTR reference. Think of her as The Other Woman.)
"Wouldn't you rather know NOW?" Bella texted back to me. "Don't wait. Just call him. You have to talk. You have to ask. Then, at least you'll know. You're a strong woman and you have a beautiful future full of love ahead of you. Whether that's with Jason or not."
But what if...just what if...it's not?