Prepare yourself for a very, very angry blog.
I don't know how I didn't see this coming. I don't know how I let myself be so unguarded, so completely unready for this kind of news. I don't know how I allowed myself to be vulnerable, trusting, and open. I don't know how this happened.
Jason has another girlfriend.
He's been dating her for the last two years. She's had other boyfriends in this time, while he has only dated her. The sickest part of it all? She's married. With kids. Still living with her family.
He tells me that she's filed for divorce "but it takes forever in New York." Thank you, but I've gotten divorced in New York, before they changed the laws, mind you, so I hardly need a lesson on the intricacies of breaking up a marriage in this state. Of course it's more complicated with children in the picture but two years and still dragging on seems ridiculous, even around here. Also, who in their right mind files for divorce from a man she supposedly cannot stand to be around, but STAYS in the house??? Take your kids and leave! Go to your parents. Go rent an apartment. Go stay with friends. But you do not get to date whomever the hell you choose while going home to your husband and kids at night, you lying, conniving, sneaky, devious bitch!
Sorry. I know I'm a wee bit harsh right now, but forgive a girl for being angry. This Other Woman has been leading Jason on for two whole years now, distancing herself from him over the last several months, pulling away emotionally and essentially cutting down their relationship to nothing. Sucks for her, great for me. Except it's not, because the minute he and I started dating, suddenly she wanted to rekindle things. Who does that? Go away and leave us alone! You made your cheating married bed with all your money and your fancy house and your fancy clothes and your fancy car, and now you should just go lie in it.
So that's me pissed at her for sitting on the fence about does she want him / does she not. But what I'm really really really hurt by? Is him.
Why would Jason date me in the first place? Why would he continue dating me if he knew he still had feelings for someone else? Why start a relationship with me before ending his relationship with her? Why lead me to believe that we have something so special, so great, something I've been looking for -- waiting for --- for years, only to let me down like every other asshole I've met? Why call yourself my boyfriend if you have another girlfriend on the side? Why make me believe I am special and important if I'm just one of your options right now? Why make me love you if you're just going to break my heart? Why not tell me sooner, before I had a chance to fall for you?
Yes, I actually asked him these questions (and about a million more.) Here are his answers. I'll let you be the judge.
1) He began seeing me when things were "winding down" with her. He thought they were over, otherwise he never would've started something with me.
2) He knew that he had feelings for both of us. They were weakening with her but growing with me. He felt it only fair to give both sides time to see how they continued to develop.
3) He didn't know if he wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with her any longer, but he definitely wants to pursue a romantic relationship with me. He sees a future with me. A really amazing one. He sees a completely different future with her and he's not sure which future is right for him.
4) We do have something special. We do have something great. He stayed with me because it was me. If it wasn't me, it wouldn't have been anyone else.
5) He felt like my boyfriend from the very beginning. He wanted to do for me, give to me, provide for me, support and encourage me. He wanted to meet my friends and family to see if he could truly fit into my life, my world. He felt like my boyfriend because I acted like his girlfriend.
6) I am important to him. He is attached to me. He's invested in me and in us. While I am "the logical choice," he doesn't want me to just be the best option. He wants me to be the 100% right fit and he hasn't figured out yet if I am.
7) He doesn't plan on breaking my heart and is asking for more time to figure out what precisely his feelings are. He can see himself falling in love with me and me with him. He's "pretty certain that's the way [his] heart is leaning" but there's no way to say for sure right now. While that's not fair to me, he's asking me to be patient and give him the space to decide.
8) *And I quote* "You didn't ask."
Fine. You want space??? You got it. Clearly, you need some time to miss me. Call me when you've made your decision.