Friday, August 30, 2013

Maybe I'm the Problem

I love Taylor Swift. She does what I want to do, which is write amazing break up stories that motivate / inspire / comfort / propel girls all over the world into healing their hearts and moving on. Granted, her stories are set to music and some of them overtly suggest revenge, yet I'd still say we have the same goals in mind. Poor Taylor, no matter how many super hot celebs she dates, she still hasn't found the love of her life. Joe Jonas, John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, Taylor Lautner, Harry Styles, Connor Kennedy... Taylor's relationships are all over the tabloids (which thankfully mine are not!) but each one spurs another hit single about love gone wrong / boys are stupid / I'm still fabulous. 

Yet for all my country loving, I'm pretty sure that if all of T Swift's ex boyfriends got together and wrote a song about her, it would be called Maybe You're the Problem.

Throughout my 100+ dates, I've gone out with a man who's never left Brooklyn, a guy who threw up sushi and still tried to kiss me, a one armed prison guard, two separate men who put me on the phone with their mothers, a guy who cried when I told him I didn't have butterflies, three die hard Star Wars fans, a guy who believed in post death polygamy, and a man who wanted to go to the midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show dressed as Brad and Janet...except that he wanted to be Janet. 

I know that those were not my fault. But on this date, I may have been the problem. Hear me out. 

Firstly, you should know by now that I think Bald is the New Black. I find bald guys very sexy, especially with facial hair. I can't explain it. They're just hot. 

Secondly, you should know that I fall hard and fast for a man who can make me laugh. I mean a real, true, honest to goodness, authentic laugh. Not a chuckle or a giggle or a "tee-hee, that's kinda funny!" What I want is a guy with a great sense of humor who gets me. Preferably one who isn't afraid when I honk. (In case, you haven't heard it, I seriously honk when I laugh. Ask my girlfriends how many nice restaurants in Manhattan we've gotten dirty looks at! I even got kicked out of a Cosi once. True story.)

Dennis and I started talking online through OkCupid. He is very tall, very bald, and has big, bushy facial hair. He is one of only a few men with whom I could appropriately use the term "hulks around" in lieu of "walks." He's huge. I love that. 

We got into a conversation about improv in New York City, and Dennis knows all the same people I know. In fact, Dennis has a podcast and has interviewed several friends who I perform with. Our paths had never crossed, but I started listening to his podcast and it turns out, Dennis is hilarious. He is an excellent host, always supporting the strength of his guests. He is a great writer, and I thoroughly enjoyed our OkC messages. He is also a really sweet guy who takes care of his grandma a few days a week. I have a soft spot in my heart for guys who love their grandmothers. Basically, Dennis is awesome. 

A good friend of his was going to a concert on Sunday afternoon and could not use season Mets tickets, so Dennis asked if I would like to go to the game. Knowing what huge Mets fans we both are, this was the perfect date. I like any date where I can wear jeans and a t shirt! Throw in a hot pretzel, some cute baseball players, and a nice guy by my side and I can't imagine a better afternoon. 

When I arrived at the Home Run Apple (a classic New York nod to the old Shea Stadium) to meet Dennis, I recognized him immediately. Dennis is unmistakeable. He is bigger than his pictures led me to believe, and his bald head and dark beard are easily distinguishable features. Dennis stands out in a crowd. If you knew him, you'd spot him immediately. If you didn't know him, you might back away. He's kind of intimidating. 

Despite appearances, Dennis is very easy to talk to, comfortable, laid back, and completely genuine. It helped that we already knew a lot about each other, having spoken online, on the phone, and stalked each other's twitter feeds. He knew about the blog going into the date so I didn't have to awkwardly bring up the fact that I write about my relationships. In fact, we were able to compare awful dating experiences which I never get tired of doing. Although I like to believe that crappy guys are the reason I'm still single in my 30's, I hear just as many horror stories from my single guy friends about psycho girls they've gone out with. Turns out, everyone is a little crazy!

Dennis and I stayed in our seats for the first few innings, chatting about our favorite Mets memories, players, and games. We talked about bad dates, living in New York, and our families. We spoke about all the friends we had in common, improv comedy, and great shows. We talked about my blog, his podcast, and Tony Danza. Then we got up to walk around CitiField and take in all the amazing views. 

You can watch a Mets game from just about anywhere in the stadium. If you ever want to get tickets but there are only seats way up in the nosebleed section, don't you worry! Buy them anyway and watch from the bridge. Or the bar. Or any of the clearings which offer a 360 degree view of the field. Which is exactly what Dennis and I did. 

Along the way, we ran into several people Dennis knew. Apparently, he's like the Mayor of CitiField. There were people he knew from his hometown, people he knew from the city, people he knew who were friends of friends, and people he knew just from going to Mets games. There were even people he knew from Twitter who he'd met in person at a game! Dennis is incredibly social and the kind of guy that people like to know. I was really happy to be there with him, although I was getting the feeling that we were heading deep into the Friend Zone. Any romance that might have been in the air was overpowered by ice cream and disappointment. 

Should I not have worn my hair in a ponytail? Should I have worn a tighter Mets t shirt? Should I not have referred to Ike Davis as my baseball boyfriend? Should I not have talked about bad dates I've been on? Where did I go wrong? I've pulled all my adorable moves. I've touched his arm several times to let him know I'm interested. Why isn't Dennis flirting with me???

Having lost the game, the Mets cleared the field and the barriers were laid out for little kids to run the bases. Honestly, this is my favorite part of going to a Sunday afternoon game. I love watching the little ones run out onto the track, and I always imagine taking my kids to do that someday. I excitedly begged Dennis to walk down to field level with me, which he did with an appeasing smile. We lied to a guard or two to let us down behind the first base dugout for prime viewing. Then we kicked back in two front row seats and I pointed out every single super cute child in their teeny tiny Mets outfits running, waddling, and toddling around the field. 

Every. Single. Kid.

Looking back on it now, I probably should have picked up on the fact that Dennis is younger than I am, and possibly not looking to start a family in the immediate future. I can see from his point of view that I may have come across with a slight case of baby fever, which frankly, I'm not denying that I have. I maybe should have said thank you for the ice cream and walked out to the parking lot with him, rather than force him to sit through ten more minutes of nineties music playing through the loudspeakers. I should have known that this date turned into a really cool friendship and nothing more. And you know something? That's ok. Dennis is still a great guy that I'm happy to have met, and I'm someone he'll tell stories about: the crazy girl who wanted kids on the first date. 

Maybe I really am the problem!

To follow Dennis Has a Podcast, click here.

UPDATE: To listen to 100 Cups of Coffee featured on Episodes 172 & 173 of Dennis Has a Podcast, click here!

1 comment:

  1. They need to do that at Fenway!!!! Also, dude who knows more people than me, deal breaker! Lol