Friday, February 10, 2012

Handle With Care


First of all let me please start off by telling you I have absolutely loved your blog since I first started reading it. I came across it when I was in a similar situation to you. I completely feel your pain on what happened with you and Kit, I really really do. My second ever relationship I met online and we dated for 6 months or so. He was amazing, and a very wonderful boyfriend. Things ended kind of suddenly, and I found out why later. He had been having a long distance relationship behind my back for months. 

Well, would you believe me if I told you that this very same guy 7 years later is now my husband?

I know, I know. I must be crazy right?? 

During the 7 years between our first disastrous relationship and now, we stayed in contact. It wasn't frequent, we just stayed on each other's friends list on MySpace and then progressed to Facebook when the MySpace craze died out. When my 2 year live in relationship ended, it just so happened that a 2 year serious relationship of his also fizzled out. We talked a lot -  he was my shoulder to cry on believe it or not. 

Fast forward two more years and I was having a Halloween get-together and I invited Doug. I honestly didn't think he would show up. I can't explain it, but when I saw him that night at my party, it was like something just clicked. Something had changed and those old feelings came back.  I knew he was different, he had grown up. We started dating and he apologized to me for the hurt and pain he had caused in the past. He was young and dumb, and yeah I realize that isn't much of an excuse but I understood. I explained to him that all those times during those 7 years that he tried to get back together that I was scared. I didn't want to be hurt again. 

Well 9 months later we were in Las Vegas getting hitched! It was the best decision I ever made.

It wasn't easy. Trusting someone after a betrayal is difficult, I know. Old issues still rear their ugly head, but I am trying my very best to let the past be in the past. He showed me he had changed, but I also feel that not everyone CAN change. In your shoes, I would have felt the very same way. 
My point of all this is that while I am definitely not on Team Kit, I thought maybe you'd like to hear my story. I am sure your Prince Charming is out there waiting for you and I just know you will be finding him very soon! :)

Thank you for your wonderful blog and sharing so much with us readers!

Dear Lauren, 

I seriously have to stop tearing up every time I read one of these amazing letters! Thank you so much for writing to me and sharing your story. There's something so touching about a woman whose heart is open to love, who has been through the wringer and come out the other side. Who has survived a heartbreak like you and I have and lived to tell about it. Who has gotten stronger and smarter and still found the man she was looking for. Shockingly, the man she had the whole time!

I think that your story with Doug is a diamond in the rough. It's not common, but that's what makes it special! I WANTED to forgive Kit for what he did. I wanted to move past it. I wanted us to be together, convinced it could and would work if we both put the effort it. He hasn't grown up yet. He needs time to change. He has to figure out what Doug did - being young and stupid only works as an excuse for so long. It's going to take me a long time to get over what happened and figure out how to deal with it for myself, if not for him. This does not mean that we're getting back together, but it does mean it's impossible to stop loving someone you once felt so strongly for. It doesn't happen at the touch of a button, or even overnight. In your case, the feelings clearly never went away. In fact, it sounds like they're back and better than ever!

I know what you mean about being scared. I don't want to get hurt again either. It's so hard to trust someone and once that's gone, I don't know if it can ever fully be recovered. There are steps you can take to rebuild it but for me, it's like dropping a ceramic mug on the floor. If you drop it on the rug and a few pieces split off, you can glue them back on but you'll always see the cracks. Drop it on tile though and it shatters, you might as well sweep up the shards and start fresh with a new mug. Relationships need to be handled with the same gentle care we'd use for anything precious.

Relationships are fragile. Handle them with care. 

I hope that Doug knows how lucky he is to have you in his life and never takes your love for granted. I hope that he marvels every single day in awe of the woman who gave him a second chance. I hope that he never loses sight of what his life was like without you in it and chooses to be with you every day. Chooses to stay faithful to you. Chooses to love you. Chooses to make you his #1 priority. That's what a good husband does. Makes his wife the center of the universe and appreciates that everything else revolves around her. Love is like the sun. Without it, everything else withers away and dies. Be the sunshine every day for him. Be the thing he looks forward to. Be the bright spot in his darkest night. Be the woman he could never live without. Be generous, gracious, forgiving and loyal. Be gentle with him. Be happy as often as possible. And be grateful you have a partner who recognizes all the good in you.

Wishing you both a lifetime of love. Thank you for reading, and especially for reaching out!
Hugs, Kim

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