Wednesday, July 14, 2010


We've been talking almost every day for a month. Literally, I just checked back to the website we first made contact on and it says June 15th. So we took a l-o-n-g time in the "getting to know you" process. He knows my favorite music. My cats' names. My preferred road trip destinations. We've swapped dating horror stories and most-loved restaurants and future goals. I've told him a lot about myself, including that I'm "seeing" other people. In other words, he knows about the blog.

At first, he was totally cool with it. Told me that while he didn't think he'd find anyone else more special than me out there, he completely understood keeping our options open just in case. He knew that he was by no means my boyfriend and therefore had no right to be jealous or opinionated when it came to dating around. Still, I offered that I wouldn't go out with anyone else without letting him know first. This seemed to quell the green monster lurking inside him from escaping and running rampant on the villagers. I got comfortable with how at ease he seemed about the whole situation. The calm before the storm only lasted a week.

And it was a BIG shitstorm.

He was sick over the weekend and told me he just needed time to sleep it off. That, to me, translated as "I feel like crap, please leave me alone, I'll call you when I feel better." I know that when I'm sick, the last thing I want is to hear from everyone on the planet asking how I'm feeling. There's nothing worse than puking your guts out all night only to be awakened by a phone call in the morning after you only just fell back asleep. So I gave him some space to breathe for a day.

I have to tell you that we texted on Friday and emailed on Saturday but not nearly the usual volume to which we'd become accustomed. I figured he was in and out of consciousness and as I didn't want to disturb his slumber, I didn't call until Sunday night. He'd sent me a message earlier in the afternoon asking me to a party this coming weekend. I was trying to reply when I dialed his house phone and got the machine. (Insert adorable message here.)

I quickly wrote out a follow up text simply stating that I took his not answering to mean that he was feeling well enough to go out again, which I hoped he was, or that he was still sick and in bed, which I hoped he wasn't. My text message bounced back to me. "The AT&T subscriber you are trying to reach is unavailable at this time."

Huh. That's weird.

I typed out a rough email which basically said, Hey, I just tried texting you and it came back to me. Is your cell phone working???

The email was quickly returned with the dreaded Mailer Daemon Failure Notice. "The recipient you are attempting to contact is not accepting messages from this sender."

What the fuck???

Now I'm worried. He lives alone. Anything could have happened and I can't get through! Oh my gosh...what if he's really, really sick?!?! Should I drive up there? I don't know where he lives. Should I call the police? What would I say? "Um, hi, yes, I'm talking to this guy and he's not answering any of the messages I left him and I can't get through and he was sick so maybe could you please go check on him? He's 36 years old and lives by himself. I'm just really worried."

Cause that wouldn't get me laughed at...

Alright, I'm giving this one last chance. I'm calling his home phone back. Maybe if he hears how concerned I am he'll pick up or at least I can leave a message and he'll call me and...Wait...Why is the phone off the hook now???

I consider myself an intelligent human being. I evaluate the situation and make a decision based on the evidence around me.

Exhibit A) he didn't pick up when I called
Exhibit B) my texts got bounced back
Exhibit C) my emails got bounced back
Exhibit D) the home phone which rang previously is now mysteriously off the hook

I could chalk Exhibit D up to being on the other line, but who doesn't have call waiting in 2010??? No, this reeks suspiciously of me being rejected. A feeling I am fortunately not used to nor do I ever hope to encounter again. I write another message from a different email account basically saying the following:

I have tried texting, emailing and calling you tonight to see how you are feeling. I am seriously concerned that you have fallen very ill, all of your technological devices have failed and you are in distress with no hope of contacting the outside world. The alternative theory is that you just don't want to see me anymore and don't have the balls to tell me to my face. So which is it? Are you dead? Or just ignoring me?

The reply was along the lines of "I'm crazy about you and I freaked out. I can't handle the thought of you dating any other guys. I like you so much that it's making me insane. Everything I say, I worry will end up in the blog. Everything I do, I worry will end up in the blog. No matter how much I fall for you, I worry that I'll become just another number to you. You're the best person I've met in a long time and I could really see a future for us together. But I can't focus on being with you while you have this writing project going on. I'm sorry, I just can't see you anymore."

*Note to the reader: this is not his actual email, rather I have paraphrased it as best I can. He specifically asked me NOT to copy & paste what he wrote into the blog and I'm trying to respect his wishes. Despite his being an absolute coward.*

My reply was along the lines of: Forgive me being a ditzy blonde, but what exactly about you being crazy about me means that we can't see each other? I'm sorry, it just doesn't make sense in my head. PS: Does this mean that you actually BLOCKED my phone number and email completely???

He wrote back: "It's been a really long time since I've felt about anyone the way I feel about you. My friends and family know about you. My work knows about you. I would just hate for this to turn into an ugly battle so I'm ending it here. I am so sorry. You're a great girl. I just hope you don't scare off any more really great guys like you scared off me."

Let's just be clear here, folks. When my status updates were all about him, he "liked" them. When my posts were praising how sweet and wonderful he was, he actually shared them with his friends. Some of you reading this right now know exactly who I'm talking about and the only way you found my blog at all is because he told you he was really interested in me. Until the time of this incident, I hadn't written about him at all. I especially hadn't written anything negative or derogatory in any way. That's because, as I previously stated, there was nothing wrong with him.

That being said, I guess we finally found the flaw. His lack of communication skills are terrifying. When you have an issue in a relationship, no matter how fledgling that relationship may be, you bring it up to the other person and discuss it like mature adults. You don't throw a hissy fit and stomp and scream and pout and run the other direction because you thought you weren't getting your way and didn't bother to talk to me about it. That's the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

But he's crazy about me. Hmmm...I guess only time will tell about that.

And this is when a VERY upset Kimberly promptly tucked herself right back into bed for the entire afternoon.

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