Twisted Steel

He's sweet, he's funny, he's full of cheesy pick up lines. After several messages, emails and texts, we finally catch up on the phone. He tells me that he works for the Yankees and he'd love to take me to a game sometime. Wow, kind of a generous offer for a first date, but I'm not one to say no to a baseball game. I say "how will I recognize you?" and he replies, "I'll be the 5'1 guy holding the tickets, waiting for the gorgeous blonde girl to join me."

*Crickets chirping*

I'm sorry, what did you say?

"Listen, I don't want you to think any less of me (if I thought any less of you, you'd be a Munchkin) but you should know that I'm only 5'1."

Wow, ok so I did hear that right.

"I mean, I know you're 5'9 and that's not a problem for me (of course it's not a problem for you --- you come up to my boobs). I'm just wondering if my height is an issue for you."

Um...how do I answer this without hurting his little feelings?!?! Dammit, see, there it goes, starting already with the short jokes. The puns, the not-so-hidden innuendos. You can't possibly be serious. 5'1???????

"Hey, I just tell everybody that I'm 61 inches of twisted steel and sex appeal." (Who thinks little guys are sexy?!?! Raise your hand now...)

Really?!?! Twisted steel and sex appeal??? That's your motto? Ok, I'm gonna laugh at you now.

"If it helps, I don't need a booster seat and I can go on most of the rides at Disney World." (Dude, did you say MOST???)

Perhaps Space Mountain is more lenient than I am but you must be at least 5'8 to ride *this* attraction. Sorry Short Stack. Better luck in the Junior department.