Friday, July 30, 2010

Short Stack fires back

So here's the update on 5'1 guy. I sent him a very polite email saying that I think he's got a great personality but I just don't feel we're compatible / would be a good match. I didn't hear anything for 3 days. Ok, some guys respond, others just take the blow off. No big deal. This morning, I woke up to the following email:

I would have normally thanked you for such honesty and for not wasting my time. Or at least not so much of it. But then a few days ago I had the brilliant idea of befriending you on Facebook. I didn't find you, but I found a page for this cute, LITTLE blog you write. Get it? Little? Of course you do.

Wait, I "rejected" you and THEN you tried to friend me? Seriously?

He then lists all of the ways I "insulted" him and follows up with:

Wow, just call you butter. You're on a roll.

Oh, snap!!!

He's very sensitive about me saying that little guys aren't sexy:

Considering the fact that I am in great shape, have my own place, a paid off car, am gainfully employed and have all my shit together, I am willing to bet a lot of women find this little guy sexy. What is wrong with you?

What's wrong with me? I have to date 99 more losers. That's what's wrong with me!

You must be at least 5'8 to ride this attraction:

Yeah, there doesn't seem to be much of a line to climb aboard. If "*this* attraction" was at a water park, it would get shut down. The water is much too shallow. See, I'm good at this game, too.

Ooh, who wants to go to Splish Splash??? I hear they have a kiddie section!!!

And his closing argument:

I hope you don't get sick of coffee. It's going to take a hell of a lot more than 100 cups for you. By the way, coffee goes great with donuts. Better yet, munchkins.

Munchkins!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! I'm gonna be laughing all the way to the bank!!!

Ok, ok, I get it. He's probably been dealing with short jokes all his life. And I don't want to be one of those mean girls who gives him a complex or anything but come on! Dude, you just gave me WAY more writing material. I mean, I was prepared to let it go but this stuff is priceless! He deserves special mention on here for being the cockiest, most arrogant guy I've dealt with in a LONG time. Honestly, if someone said "thanks but no thanks" to me after talking for a while, I woulda just let it go. In fact, I polled 15 of my girlfriends this morning and only 1 said it'd be ok to "friend" someone after the fact. But then to write back to my blog, dissecting every single line and firing back at me for "making fun of you"...he just made himself the easiest target in the world!!!

Now I know that many of you readers are wondering why I'd publish such nonsense from a "cup" about myself. Just to show you that I can take it as well as I give it. I don't mind taking the criticism as easily as I dole it out. I know that this project isn't for everyone but every ridiculous encounter like this brings me one step closer to hopefully finding someone sane. And taller than a 3rd grader. Just sayin.


  1. OMG OMG I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type!!! THAT was hysterical!!!