Friday, September 17, 2010

After Midnight

So when we last left off, Michael & I were leaving my girlfriend's house in Queens. The time is now just after midnight and the only thing I want to do is go back to his place, pour ourselves into bed and wake up with his arms around me and a long, lazy Sunday ahead of us. He's planning on making breakfast, we're packing a picnic lunch for the park, and will come home later tonight to dinner made by me with all the ingredients we shopped for this afternoon. It's the kind of relaxing weekend that real couples get to enjoy and which I haven't had in absolutely ages. The thought of freshly squeezed juice and reading the paper together seems like the most romantic thing in the world to me. At this moment in time, I am the happiest girl on Earth.

And then the stars come crashing down.

"Kim, I haven't been completely honest with you about something and it's absolutely eating away at me...I really like mushrooms."

Me: "I know, babe, we bought cremini's to go with the chicken marsala I'm making for dinner tomorrow night."

"Um, no, ok not mushrooms. Shrooms. Remember when you asked me on our first date if I did any drugs and I said no? Well I lied. I do shrooms."

I take a deep breath as I try to accept what he's telling me. He wasn't completely honest on that first date, presumably because he liked me so much that he wanted to get to know me better and have me see him as more than just someone who uses drugs every once in a while. He wanted me to see how much more there is to him than just that. The man has been vying for Boyfriend of the Year awards every day and dare I say, he'd win them up until this point. Ok, this is not a big deal. I can get past this. I ask him how often.

"Not very much, only like once or twice a year, tops...It's about the same as I do the LSD."

Hold up, WHAT?!?!

"I mean, it's really not a big deal if you think about it. It's not like the pot which is a couple times a month. If it was that often, you could be really pissed off."

Me: "Wait just a second. One week ago you told me that you don't do any drugs. That you partied in high school but you grew out of it and don't do any of that shit now. And you're choosing this moment to confess that you actually smoke pot, take shrooms and do LSD?"

"Yeah, well I just couldn't keep it a secret anymore. I knew you'd be cool with it. Thanks baby."

Pause for me to walk around the block a few times without him while sobbing my eyes out.

I return to tell him I'm taking him home. We drive and either he hasn't noticed I've been crying or is unfazed by it. He thanks me for "hanging tall." I don't know what that means. "You know, for not freaking out or anything. I really like you and I'm just glad this isn't a big deal."

Me: "Excuse me, but at what point did you think that this was not a big deal? First of all, you lied on your profile. Second of all, you lied to me when I asked you point blank to your face on our first date. Then you managed to keep it from me for a couple of weeks all the while seeming good and wholesome and sweet and strong but actually you've been nothing but deceptive. Why did you think I asked if it wasn't a big deal?"

"Geez, if I knew you were gonna get so mad, I never woulda told you."

Me: "Ok, now we have trust issues. Besides the drugs which I hate with such a passion it makes me sick, you've lied to me and I can't believe anything you say anymore."

"Are you gonna park the car and come in so we can talk about this?"

Me: "No, I'm going to stay at my friend's house tonight. You can call me tomorrow when you're sober."

He gets out of my car and slams the door. As I left my bag at his place earlier, I follow him inside where he grabs my duffel off the counter and throws it at me saying "You can carry your own damn bag out."

Me: "This is ridiculous. Everything was going so great. I don't understand where this even came from. You're not even acting like the same person I've been dating and I honestly don't know who you are right now. Is there any way we can make this work? Could you just put the drugs on pause while we're seeing each other because we had something so good going on, it seems stupid to let it go like this."

"I've spent enough money on you that I shouldn't have to change anything."

I felt like I just got slapped in the face. I don't care how many dinners or drinks he bought me, no amount of money earns you the right to treat me like shit.

I start crying harder than before. I am seeing everything we started to build together come crashing down on all sides of me in slow motion. All I can do is watch helplessly as it crumbles into dust. I stand there, shocked, sad, angry, hurt, confused and miserable as he shrugs and says "Sorry I wasted your time." Then he turns away, walks into his apartment and slams the door. I am left in the middle of the street in Queens at one in the morning, crying hysterically, holding my bag, with no idea what just happened.

Copyright Kimberly Spice 2010