You asked what our first date would be like: Here's what I envision...
Moments after we meet, you'll feel the unmistakable urge to run home, pull that lovingly-worn Hello Kitty diary from out beneath your mattress, and furiously put ink to paper. You'll initially choose the word "cute" to describe me, but then scratch it out and go with "handsome" instead. You'll mention how I'm equal parts intelligent and funny, and more than a little bit charming. You'll reproduce, word-for-word, our brief conversation, and then realize (for the second time that day) that our exchange had the kind of breezy chemistry only found in the trailers to one of those coming-soon-to-a-theater-near- you high concept romantic comedies. When you're done writing, you'll clutch your diary and giggle a little bit. And then you'll look out your window and notice that giant rainbow that just appeared in the sky. Awesome!
You should want to get to know me better only if you are The Coolest Girl In Town. You nimbly walk the line separating style from vanity. You're well-versed in the fine art of exchanging knowing glances across a crowded room. You understand the difference between sarcasm and wit, and deftly navigate between irony and sincerity. You get bonus points if you can play an instrument. (Points are subtracted, however, for admitting participation in an a cappella group...) If you are a regular watcher of Fox News, I'm sorry -- we have no future.
I'm seek someone nice and looking for friendship, a long-term relationship, long-distance penpal, an activity partner, short-term relationship, or casual sex. Until I meet the right woman, I don't mind going wild.
So what do you think? Should we meet for coffee?