End of Days

After several rounds of emails, I feel safe enough to give him my number and he calls on a Monday. We chat for a while about what we both did over the weekend and I tell him that I went to church with my family. He says "Oh, yes, I noticed on your profile that you're Christian, it's one of the reasons I contacted you. Do you read the Bible?"

Confession: I grew up going to church every Sunday. I made my communion, my confirmation, I was an acolyte, a crucifer, a Sunday school teacher, the whole 9 yards. I've read at several services at my church through the years. I can quote a few passages here and there and I know many of the stories and parables. But I have never actually sat down and read the entire Bible cover to cover. So I don't feel comfortable answering this question with a 100% Yes.

I tell him all of this.

He says, "I love to read the Bible. I'm really into Biblical prophecy."

Do you know what Biblical prophecy is? I don't.

"Biblical prophecy is really interesting. Revelations. End of days stuff."

Ok, now I'm scared.

"Did you know that the world is going to end in 7 years? We've got 3 1/2 years left until the anti-Christ comes. Then 3 1/2 years after that is the second coming of Jesus."

Do I even wanna know what happens when Jesus shows up again?

"Well, that's the end of it. There'll be an all-out battle between Christ and the Devil and we'll all have to choose sides. You can fight with the Lord at your side, or you can join Satan's army, but either way, we're all gone after that."

This is kinda heavy for Monday morning chit chat...

"The good news is, the anti-Christ only makes an appearance after peace is restored in the Middle East. So once that treaty is signed, the clock starts ticking. The President is really pushing for a ceasefire in Jerusalem, which is how you know he's a prophet."

Obama went from being the 1st black president to a prophet for the second coming of Christ??? Wow. Now I'm impressed. Kinda blows his Nobel prize out of the water!

"So the way I figure it, if we've only got 7 years left, you should probably start dating me now."

Um, yeah, I think I'll pass. On my list of things to do before the world ends, I might put buying a new car, vacationing in Hawaii, and eating fudge 3 times a day. But dating you? Not on there. Sorry...