Geographically Compatible

His profile is the very definition of romance. All the things he likes should be in a guidebook of how to get women to notice you. Picnics in the park. Wine & roses. Chocolate. Chick flicks. Making dinner together while listening to the Rat Pack. Massages. Slow dancing in a room full of candles.

Like you wouldn't email this guy???

So we go back & forth for a while and the messages are all good. He's really sweet. Asks thoughtful questions. We share a lot of the same interests and hobbies (before you ask, NO he is not gay.) Things are going really well when I get the following message:

"I think you're really amazing and I'm so enjoying our conversations. It's such a shame we could never work out cause I think you're kinda perfect."

I'm sorry, if I'm so perfect, why can't we work out?!?!

"I love everything you've said so far, it's just that I don't think we're geographically compatible."

What the hell does that mean? You live in Brooklyn, not on the moon!

"I'm looking for someone who lives 15 minutes walking distance from my apartment and no farther. I don't want to have to take public transportation anywhere."

A) I'm in Manhattan all the time...we could meet in the city

B) I have a car, I could come to you

C) Brooklyn is actually ON Long Island but shhhhh...don't tell anyone!!!

"Is there any chance of you moving to Park Slope in the next 3 months?"

Really? You think I'm moving for you before we've even met? No, I don't think so. But good luck with your search. Might I suggest you map out your 15 minute radius and then just start knocking on doors. Ooh, you could start with your own apartment building. Then you'd be really close by! You know, not necessarily with someone who makes you unbelievably happy. Just within a short walking distance.

Ok, maybe I'll just tell myself he was gay...