Excuses, Excuses

When I was a child, I used any excuse to get me out of trouble. When I got yelled at - or worse, grounded - it was usually something stupid that I could wiggle my way out of. No matter what the offense though, I always, always had an excuse.

Exhibit A) My mother told me I was not allowed to go to the ice cream truck before dinner. I bought Rain-Blo gum instead of ice cream. The excuse? Technically, I didn't go to the ice cream truck. I went to the candy truck.

Exhibit B) I got sent to bed and told "lights out" which was code for "no reading." (*Note: I'm a huge dork. Taking my books away is punishment for me!) My mother found me in bed reading The Nutcracker Suite under the covers with my flashlight. The excuse? The lights are out. That's why I needed the flashlight! Duh.

Exhibit C) When I got caught sneaking a peek at the Christmas presents before they were wrapped and under the tree, my mother went nuts that gifts are supposed to be a surprise! The excuse? How will I know how many cookies to bake for Santa if I don't know how many gifts I'm getting?

In every other instance of me getting in trouble, the excuse was the same. My little brother did it. (You'd be amazed how often that worked! Usually because it really was his fault. Love you D!!!)

I know, I know, I didn't wreak much havoc as a child. The point is though, kids are genetically programmed to weasel their way out of everything. We blame it on each other, we point fingers, we even - dare I say it - lie!!! My kid brother and I were the world's worst liars though. Seriously, my parents could look at us and we'd crack. Actually, I'd crack. My brother would burst into fits of hysterical giggles. (He got in trouble a lot!)

Perhaps this is why we were raised with a deep appreciation for telling the simple truth. First of all, the truth is ALWAYS easier to remember. Secondly, you'll never feel bad about doing it. Finally, even if your parents are hopping mad about whatever stupid thing you did, at least they'll appreciate you owning up to it. Being honest and offering an apology will get out out of almost anything. This is the lesson I've carried with me into adulthood.

Honesty: a lesson Kit never learned.

He is the master of excuses. Something always goes wrong with him and it is always someone's else's fault. I noticed this throughout our relationship but it really, truly hit me when we broke up.

Exhibit A) It wasn't cheating. We aren't married.

Seriously?!?! Cheating is cheating is cheating is cheating. We were together. We were living together. He moved into my house. We'd been dating exclusively for six months. Did he break vows he made before God? Technically, no. Did he break every promise he ever made to me? Absolutely. And that, my friend, is cheating.

Exhibit B) It's not lying. You never asked.

Technically, I never asked if he was a serial killer either but I assume that if he'd mass murdered people, it would've come up in the course of our relationship. There are certain things that you tell someone you love and they should never have to ask. Faithfulness is a given. Not something I should have to ask for. Oh, and let's assume I happened to pop the question one day: Hey Kit, are you cheating on me? He would've said no anyway. You know, cause we aren't married.

And my personal favorite...

Exhibit C) The internet made me do it.

Let me ask you this: you walk into a bank. Do you rob the bank? NO??? You mean that the money isn't just sitting there waiting for you to take it? Shocking. My theory is that any lawyer in his right mind would not take up the defense that "the bank made me do it" --- he'd probably get you off on an insanity plea instead. The internet isn't to blame for his affair. Online dating sites, porn sites, chat rooms, even Facebook is not to blame for him going outside of our relationship. He says he got "caught up in the fantasy" and "made a mistake." I say he made a choice.

No excuses.