Thursday, April 8, 2010


Ok, I don't usually do this but I have to say, this little gem was simply too good to pass up.

So there is some form of internet dating etiquette, right? An implied understanding that when you send someone a message online, it'll be short, sweet, personal and to the point. Maybe take into consideration some interest of yours or highlight a feature they noticed from your profile. Throw in a compliment or two. Ask an educated question. But it should not, under any circumstances be a form letter like this one. Happy Reading.

PS: Even if you skip all the sordid (read: boring) details of his ACTUAL email to me, please continue on to the bottom of the page to read my response. What? You're surprised I wrote back? OF COURSE I wrote back!!! Like I said, too good to pass up.

Hi There!

I am responding to your personal ad that you have posted. Your profile caught my attention and it would be great to know you better. A few words about myself. My name is Kevin, born and raised in  NY. My Nationality is Irish, German, Swedish and Russian. I’m a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer and enjoy what I do for a living. I’m very family oriented and I’m looking for an interesting professional lady that’s also family oriented as well. I’m a very nice person and want a girl that’s interested in meeting a wonderful man to build a future with and have as her boyfriend and husband down the road. I’ve got a good attitude and personality plus a good heart as well. I’m not interested in meeting a person that’s in to playing games or who likes the bad guys or jerks in this world. You don’t have to be a Jerk or a bad guy to get a lady or man in this world. When I’m not working some of the things I love doing includes watching movies on a Saturday night with popcorn or ice cream depending on how I’m feeling. Im a big fan of eating out and exploring different restraunts and eating places in the city. I’m a very big sports fan and some of my Favorite sports teams are the New York Mets, New York Rangers, New York Jets and New York Knicks as well. I’ve grown up with music and some of my favor it kind of music is Hip Hop, House, Raygee, R & B, Trance, Rock and Roll, Pop Rock as well.

Getting back to interests I enjoy dancing and getting it down every now and then and growing up as a child never liked dancing until my sister got married and then started enjoying it. When it’s a nice day there nothing better than biking around the park or exploring different towns and places or taking pictures with my digital camera and enjoy going paddle boating or row boating. In 1994 I was in a bowling league and did very well and enjoy playing pool, bowling and also visiting museums as well. So tell me what do you enjoy doing on your spare time when you’re not working? Do you have any brothers or sisters or any siblings? I’ve got 1 sister and 4 cousins and a brother in law and a niece as well. What is your nationality? Sometimes it’s hard on telling what a person’s nationality actually is. What places are you interested in hanging out at or exploring if any that is? Are you an animal love? Do you have any pets or animals of any kind? What kind of a person are you looking to meet and do you have a certain image of that person you’re interested in? Are you catholic and go to church and believe in god? I believe in god and know everything happens for a single reason in this world. Well for me I’m looking for someone that’s interesting, sexy, attractive, tall lady to meet get to know as a person become friends and develop in to a great relationship and let things happen as there meant to be. I’m hopping your interested in knowing me more because any lady would love to meet a great person as myself.

Hope to hear from you soon,


Dear Kevin,

This was to date the most scripted, least personal email I think I've ever received. The barrage of questions comes across really flat and uninspired, like a watered down version of the Spanish inquisition (without the sexy accents.)

You want to know my nationality, my pets, my siblings, my hobbies, my education, my family, my work, my travels, what kind of partner I'm looking for and my beliefs in God??? I gave less information on every college and employment application I've ever written...combined.

Ask me all these things over a drink. Hell, ask me them over a lifetime! I now know more about you than I do about some of my closest friends. Not that I don't want to get to know everything about my partner - I do! I just don't want to know it all before the first date. 

Patience, dear man. Patience and time.

Also, spell check. Just saying.



  1. You should be nice. He seems like an adorable guy looking for a nice person. Would you rather have a creeper? You obviously don't deserve someone that nice or you wouldn't be looking on personal dating sites.
    But let me know how it works out for you :)

  2. Rachel, there are (surprisingly) really nice men on *some* of the online dating sites. Men who send thoughtful, interesting, personal messages. Men who tell you a little bit about themselves and then ask considerate questions in return. Not send their entire life's story followed by a generic interrogation. This poor guy doesn't have a clue. I was simply offering him a bit of friendly advice. With a twist.

  3. Not to bash, but I've seen MANY notes from guys and I give him credit that he wrote that much and IT WAS SPELLED CORRECTLY exception of Raygee?

    The guy I've been with for nine months sent a similar note, and it was more than what others wrote and seemed to impress me that he had questions, etc.

    But yes - seems to me also, because part of me is waiting for the con-artist to creep, that it was a cut paste letter he sends to all intended to 'weed out the wackos' as my one guy friend does this for.