Thursday, April 15, 2010

Yemen

6 hours. That's how long we were on the phone over the weekend. 6 hours.

I'm just saying that so you'll know how interested I actually was in this guy. We spent time talking, getting to know each other. Making the other one laugh. He's a riot and why shouldn't he be? As a CPA / Stand up comedian, this man had me literally laughing out loud. (LOL for those of you who speak "text.")

We chatted about him being in stand up which I want to do and me being in improv which he wants to do. I told him some horror stories about first dates and why I never get my hopes up anymore. He told me that out of the 22 weddings he's attended, only 2 of those couples are still married. 19 ended in divorce. 1 ended in death. Not the natural or accidental kind either. He swears he's a black curse of death on any marriage. Which is why I'm guessing he's still single at 38.

I invite him to a sample improv class at my theatre Tuesday night. We'll meet at the bar for an hour before, then head up and have some fun. He tells me that this is the most unique first date ever and he's really looking forward to it. Me too. Until I see him.

You know that rule about how many people you've slept with? Men always double their number whereas women cut theirs in half. Well I have a new theory about online dating rules. Men add two inches to their height and take off at least 20 pounds. So if a guy tells you he's 5'7 and 180, he's 5'5 and 200. Trust me.

Long story short, he's not nearly as entertaining in person. He halfway freezes onstage at the theatre. He's awkward and nervous and not nearly as charming as he was on the phone. Even at the bar with $5 happy hour drinks, he is practically shaking over his Miller Light. (Miller Light??? Really???) I decide to be polite and walk him to the train station at the end of the evening, but he winds up kissing my cheek cause I turned my face mid hug sensing the attempt was coming.

The only thing we really had in common to laugh over was our mutual affection for the show "Friends" and our ability to quote every single episode. So when he called me the next day to ask for another date, I simply told him I was very sorry but got an emergency job transfer to Yemen. In case you need it, my new address is 15 Yemen Road, Yemen. I'll be there til he stops calling for more dates!!!

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