Star Wars

We have already discovered men with SpiderMan watches, Darth Vader piggy banks, secret Trekkie handshakes, penchants for comic book conventions, and SuperMan underoos. But this one takes the cake.

Let me start off by saying that I have never seen original Star Wars. I wanted to watch them in order, so I've seen 1, 2, and 3 but I kinda stopped there. So to me, Anakin is just some cute little blonde boy who misses his mommy. Poor kid was mangled in a tragic fire and I really hope he comes out ok. I don't have a clue who Luke and Leia are other than there was a brother / sister lovey dovey thing happening there, but that's pretty much the plot line of most families in Alabama, so I don't see what all the fuss is about. They could have easily called it "Rednecks in Space" and it woulda made sense.

But I digress.

I once had a Trekkie tell me he wasn't so hard core that he ordered lunch in Klingon. But these Star Wars geeks make Trek fans look like candidates for "Most Popular" kid in school. If you ever come across a die hard Star Wars fan, you'll know because they have a different lingo than the rest of us. For example, I made the mistake of referring to his room full of action figures as "toys." Apparently, they are not "toys," they are "collectibles." (Anyone else having 40-Year-Old-Virgin flashbacks??? I am.)

So he's got every original Star Wars "collectible" from the 70's in its original packaging and hanging on the walls in his room. He always asked for 2 of each, one to play with and one to save for the future. The guy pretty much never had to invest in the stock market because should he need liquid assets, he could simply sell off all of his "action figures" and buy a house, or at least a car.

This doesn't worry me nearly as much as what he confesses next. Please don't ask how the topic came up because I've been playing the conversation over and over in my head and I cannot figure it out. Yet somehow we got to talking about Star Wars fantasies and I was prepared for him to tell me about Princess Leia in the gold bikini. I saw that episode of "FRIENDS" so I was ready for that one. Oh no. This is sooooo much worse.

He tells me that his biggest dream (I'll say that again, his BIGGEST dream) is to find a girl who'll let him climax to the theme song from Star Wars.

Now, I don't know how familiar you are with the Imperial March. But it is not the sexiest song I've ever heard. Usher? Sure. John Mayer? No problem. But you want to have sex while thinking about wookies and pretending to be a Jedi?

Sorry, dude. I'm out.